I'm 26 years old, and I've had a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome for just over a year now.
I'm a qualified doctor; a medical practitioner. I aspire to be brillient in pharmacology and toxicology. My obsession with the Rubik's cube has been a life-boat in understanding the world around me. Music runs through my veins and the 15 different instruments I can play. Numbers and chemical structures are my friends and colours are my emotions.
If someone had told me 10 years ago that I had an autism spectrum disorder I would have laughed hysterically. My understanding of autism and Asperger's syndrome didn't extend beyond the stereotypical Kanner Autism. My understanding now far summounts that of the majority of the general population: More concerning, is that my understanding of the autism spectrum appears to summount that of the majority of the medical profession, of which I am a part.
Don't be mistaken. I may not have had the diagnostic label highlighting my presence on the autism spectrum, but I definitely had the lived experience of Asperger's a decade ago.
The diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome only landed in the DSM-IV in 1994. For a little perspective... In 1994 I was in the 5th grade. Parents, teachers and classmates all readily identified me as academically quite talented. Parents, teachers and classmates, also, all identified a degree of social ineptness above that of your average ten year old. Classmates highlighted their knowledge of my social difference with teasing and various degrees of torment. Teachers blissfully brushed away concerns that I might have some kind of impairment with their recognition that I was in fact brillient at engaging with adults (just not my youthful counterparts) and would therefore be just fine once the rest of the world caught up with me. My parents did not ignore my social ineptitude, but their explanation for it did not give me any guidance on how to grow out of or overcome this facet of my life: For them, they saw the small genius living under their roof and reasoned that what I most needed was to learn how to engage with people I found stupid.
Having been blessed with an IQ of 180, the perception that another person is stupid is one that I contend with more frequently than I would like.
Even now, there are people who find my diagnosis contentious. Such is the level of ignorance in the medical profession about what Asperger's syndrome is and how it presents in high-functioning, very able individuals, that I face ridicule from peers who simply do not understand how on some fronts I can be so successful, yet claim disability/disadvantage/difficulty with aspects of life that are incredibly simple and natural for them. How can it be that I can read a medical textbook in one sitting and perfectly explain it's contents, yet be almost unable to engage in the social arena at a peer appropriate level? Of course, those who know me, my personality, and my life in detail, know exactly why this is. Asperger's syndrome; my blessing and my curse.
It is a blessing to have a mind that can analyse, persist, memorise, absorb detail and think as logically as mine does. It is a blessing to be able to pick up a musical instrument and learn how to play it, at least at an amateur level, within hours or days. It is a blessing to be able to look at a diagram and have a perfect visual memory of that for a later date. It is a blessing to be able to replay events in crystal clear internal video at will.
It is a curse to be so intelligent that one's difficulties are not recognised as a disability, but rather labelled a flaw of character. It is a curse to be able to get into the depths of conversation with someone about a topic of special interest, only to later trip on a social aspect of the interaction and detract from their perception of your ableness. It is a curse to remember everything that happens in your conscious moments with every painful detail. It is a curse to be so close to normal that people judge you for not quite being there.
Given the option, would I choose not to be on the autism spectrum? No! A million times, no!
I value each part of this difference and what it brings to my life and others... I value me; who I am, and what I will achieve. I am not alone in these things that I value; but the crowd of those who join me is too small.
I fear that the reason those who truely value the difference found in the autism spectrum are not so few because it is not to be valued, but because society is not enough aware of autism, what it is, what those with it have to offer, and where it has brought the world so far.
I am just one person on the autism spectrum, I will give just one perspective. Follow this blog and enjoy reading about the positive and negative impact that autism has had on just one. I intend to be brutally honest with my posts.
What is it like to have Asperger's syndrome? What do I aspire to achieve? Watch me achieve. Hear when I fail. Share when I have joy and when I have pain.
